


Day One

by ThatDudeNoah



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), avengers endgame - Fandom
Genre: Coping Mechanisms, Gen, Grieving, Non-Linear Narrative, Therapy, tony stark is dead, video diary, vlogs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25496800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDudeNoah/pseuds/ThatDudeNoah
Summary: The camera opens to Peter sitting on his bed, a sad smile on his face. A few seconds pass before he speaks. “Day three hundred sixty-five.” He doesn't look at the camera, his eyes instead aimed at his feet because maybe if he doesn't look at the camera, it won't be true. Maybe his words won't have any meaning and maybe he’ll wake up from this nightmare of a year and it will be fine.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 5
Kudos: 20





	Day One

**Author's Note:**

> Idea from @suremeg on TikTok :)

**Present Day.**

The camera opens to Peter sitting on his bed, a sad smile on his face. A few seconds pass before he speaks. “Day three hundred sixty-five.” He doesn't look at the camera, his eyes instead aimed at his feet because maybe if he doesn't look at the camera, it won't be true. Maybe his words won't have any meaning and maybe he’ll wake up from this nightmare of a year and it will be fine.

He waits a second. 

He's still on his bed.

“One year,” Peter says. “I don’t know if this year has gone by too fast or if it didn't go by fast enough, but it’s over. It's - It’s over.” He aims his eyes at his ceiling and tries to not let his tears fall.

Peter takes a shaky breath and looks at the camera. “I never thought I'd make it,” he admits. “But I'm here. And it's - it’s not the worst. It's difficult, but I've made it.” He clears his throat. “I haven't made one of these in a while. I've been looking back at the other ones I've made and it was… it was a journey. But now I'm here. Day three hundred sixty-five.”

*

**-351 Days.**

Peter is sitting up in his bed, bags under his eyes. “Day fourteen,” he says. He doesn't have much else to say. He was still figuring out what he was supposed to do. Is he supposed to talk about his day? Is he supposed to talk about his feelings? Is he supposed to talk about what he wished had happened?

He didn't know. He didn't know much these days.

So he didn't say anything else. He just sat in his bed and looked at the camera, wishing he could be any other person in the world.

*

**-309 Days.**

“Okay, so today - oh, uh, day fifty-six,” Peter cuts himself off, almost having started the video without mentioning the day.

Peter looks better in this video. He looks healthy. Alive. Well-rested. He's dressed in real clothes, not just his pajamas. There's a smile on his face. It’s probably Peter’s first real smile on camera in fifty-six days. And Peter doesn't even realize it.

“So today,” he continues, “Ned and I were in gym class and the teacher says we’re gonna start playing dodgeball, right? So then Flash starts talking about how he’s going to crush me or whatever, but then  _ I-” _

*

**-346 Days.**

This video is taken from Peter’s phone. He had been too tired to grab his camera, which was in the living room. 

Peter is laying down in his bed, a blanket draped across his body, and his pillow wet from tears. His face is red. “Day nineteen,” he says, the words escaping his mouth as if they were venom. “It, uh, wasn't a good day.” Peter closes just eyes and takes a deep breath. 

“I'm sorry,” he apologizes. “God, it shouldn't - it shouldn't be this way. This shouldn't have happened. I should have - I  _ could _ have - done something.” Tears start rolling down Peter’s face. He keeps talking, but none of the words are intelligible. He's spiraling. 

Peter turns off his phone.

*

**-287 Days.**

“Day seventy-eight,” Peter says. “There was a Stark expo today. You would've hated it.” Peter chuckles a little and shakes his head.

“It's hard. It's so hard to do this alone. This was one of my worst days in a while and I just… it sucks. It sucks that it can't just be okay.” Peter shrugs. “I guess that's how it is though, y’know? Progress, uh, it isn't linear. Or that's what everyone’s telling me at least.”

Peter knew he would have ups and downs. He knew that. But he still hated it. His downs were still so low and his ups just never felt high enough. He was always being weighed down, stuck to the bottom. 

He pulls his bottom lip into his mouth. “I don’t know. I just - I  _ don’t _ know. I don’t know when it will be better.”

*

**-339 Days.**

“Day twenty-six,” Peter begins, his voice rough from not talking all day. 

He’s outside, sitting on a bench in what appears to be a park. The hair on his head is still damp from a shower and while his body is still clearly weighed down from exhaustion, he looks more lively. “Aunt May forced me to go outside,” he explains. “She said that it's been too long, so I got dressed and came out here.” Peter pauses and moves the camera around, showing it the park.

Peter is running a hand through his hair when the camera returns to him. “I feel good. Better, at least. I don’t think I'm good yet. But I'm better. I'm working on it.” Peter nods to himself. “I'm working on it.”

*

**-359 Days.**

Peter has his back against his bed and is gazing off at his side. The camera is placed in front of him and a plate with an untouched grilled cheese sits in his lap. “Day six.”

He's not crying. He stopped crying some time ago, simply running out of tears to cry. He's just drained now, out of energy the same way he was out of tears. He can barely keep his eyes. “Day six,” he repeats. “God, it's only day six.”

Peter rubs the bridge of his nose and tries to focus.

*

**-303 Days.**

“Day sixty-two!” Peter says in what has to be his most cheerful voice yet. “It's getting cold outside now.” He’s walking around his kitchen, throwing together some food for himself before he goes out to patrol. “The suit didn't give me much heating before and I was worried I was gonna freeze myself, but the heaters saved me.”

Peter sets the camera up in front of him, making sure he’ll still be in the shot even as he goes to the fridge. “MJ was worried that I would get frostbite or something because the Spider-Man suit is so thin, and Aunt May was worried too, but I showed them the heaters and told them that I was taken care of so I'm still allowed to go out, and-”

*

**-266 Days.**

“Day ninety-nine, I think?” Peter sighs and runs a hand down his face. Time went by fast, he realized. “You won't believe what happened today.” 

Peter looks tired, but not tired from sadness. He looks tired simply because he had a long day. A day that hadn't been upsetting. He had gotten the chance to go out and spend some extra time with his friends.

Peter didn't mind that distraction, nor did he mind the story that he told the camera that night. “It was  _ crazy _ ,” he says, tired eyes widening with glee.

*

**-353 Days.**

The camera is shaky when the video starts. “Day twelve.” There are tears already running down Peter’s face, though they've slowed. He's wearing the same baggy pajamas that he's been wearing for days.

He brings his legs up to his chest and holds them against his body. He stares into the camera as if he's hoping it’ll hold some secret that nobody else knows. “Not much has happened. Well - I just haven't done much,” he admits. Peter smiles slightly but it's clearly forced. “I'm here, though. I'm doing this. That - That counts for something, right?”

*

**-276 Days.**

“Day eighty, uh, nine? Yeah, yeah, day eighty-nine.” Peter's running his hand through his flattened hair, trying to make himself look more presentable. He's still in his Spider-Man suit and it's dark outside, so it's clear Peter’s already been out for patrol. “I almost forgot to do this,” he says with a shaky laugh.

Peter throws the mask from his suit on to his bed and sits down beside it. “It was a pretty empty day, honestly. Not much crime, I guess,” he jokes. A smile toys at his lips. “It was - It was good, though. I helped out a little girl today. Her cat got out of the house and, god, she was horrified.”

He shakes his head and laughs. “The cat was named Chad, and I just love that. Chad’s a girl, too, which just made it even more awesome. But so the little girl came up to me-”

*

**-355 Days.**

The camera is set up in front of Peter, who is crying and red-faced. He sits in front of his bed. “I, uh, I know you didn't really like it when I brought the camera around,” he starts, “but they said it would help. It's supposed to help the grieving process or something like that.”

Peter shrugs. His thumbs are in his lap, fidgeting nervously. “I know you made videos of yourself, too, but those were different. And maybe after I do this a few times, I'll be fine, but…” Peter takes a deep breath.

“It's day one without you, Tony. I…” Peter opens his mouth to say more but the words get stuck in his through. It stays there, burning and rotting, as more tears find their way down his face. 


End file.
